but whats so wrong with being all alone?

friends only.

comments to be added.

are macbooks really as sexy as they look?
because they look pretty sexy.

i sooo want a mac. =[

today i am thankful for

-a steady job. although i frequently feel underappreciated, i am very thankful i have a paycheck every week i can count on.
-my family. without my parents, i would be lost. i would do my best, but it still wouldn't be enough. i don't have words to express how much i am indebted to them.
-alexandria lee. she is the brightest moment of my life. always. she makes me smile & fills me with joy.


i didn't feel very thanksgivingish this morning & right before we ate. but i felt better after. it went okay & allie loved her ham! (my mom makes both ham & turkey.) she was too cute today too! then she took a nap at home. & then we went to ben's parents house around 3:45. she was such a good girl. & she was very nice & gentle around aiden, ben's brothers newborn.

it was a pretty good day. except i had baked a pumpkin pie to bring to ben's. i was rushing around, worrying & checking off stuff i needed to bring for allie. i got her in the car. & i left. i didn't realize i had forgotten the pie until i parked & got allie out of her carseat. i tried to put her back in, but she started to cry. & i wasn't going to leave her there without me. soooo, i have a pumpkin pie in the fridge. which i will give to him. but im seriously considering cutting a piece out for myself right now! i didn't eat dessert all damn day!

i hope everyone else had a happy thanksgiving!

im reading popeater.com, & looking at the 'photos you may have missed' & see a picture of paris hilton & avril lavigneat some afterparty, smiling at eachother & getting along. now that makes me say "what the fuck?!?!?!?!" at least avril wasn't rude. she had always seemed like the type to be rude to anyone she didn't like in public. ha.

also, there is no denying how cute & pretty suri cruise is!!!

• 15:18 Its way too cold out. :( #
• 16:05 People were so rude at work today! Assholes. #
• 18:07 4 hours and 50 minutes til twilight! #

• 12:40 I got my shot in my head today. Lets hope my hair starts to grow back! #

• 14:31 Fuck work. Not getting sleep sucks. #

• 20:05 Settling down to watch 90210. Yes, i have once again joined the masses. :) #

is it wrong of me to lose respect for a male friend of mine, who is 23, & constantly flirting with 17 year olds?
when we're still this young, that large of an age gap is kind of creepy/annoying/disgusting to me.

i guess the way i see it is, most young girls are really fucking whoreish & stupid these days. i did not say ALL girls. i said most. there are tons of NICE girls that age, that i know of. but really. they're immature. & as pretentious as this sounds, when i was that age, i wasn't THAT immature & skanky. most of the girls i know weren't like that at that age. shit. anyway, i digress.

i think he is (or any male who does is) is doing one of two things. one, he doesn't have enough self-confidence to think he can be in a relationship with someone who is more mature. or really, the brains to be that mature. that's a 5 year age gap. seriously, what do you have in common? other than partying & smoking weed? it makes me sad & disgusted to think these guys WASTE their time on these stupid twits when they could be so much better off.

two, he just wants some ass. & again, thats gross. there are PLENTY of girls closer in age that will give it up just as easily. have some class.

fucking shit. i HATE girls. & i hate boys. & relationships.

yes, maybe im a bit jealous & over protective. but in the end, i'm still the one who hears the whining & bitching when its all said & done.

i probably know this song inside & out. i might very well possibly know this song better than any other coheed song i know.

so when i say this is pretty much perfect, is a high compliment.
actually, it kinda blows my mind.

i've had pain on the right side of my head, near my temple. it sometimes feels as if something is trying to stab it's way out of my head. other times its just an ache. the actual feeling is kind of indescribable, i suppose. its unlike anything i've ever felt before. but it sucks. my right eye has also been itching like a bitch at times. but it's not pink eye. & its only my RIGHT eye. really strange... this has been going on probably over a week now.

also today the muscle in your palm where your thumb attaches to your hand... well that hurt like a bitch today at work starting around 2pm. on both hands. however, my left hand actually got swollon. it was painful to pick anything up or count money today with my left hand. (which i'm constantly holding money in my left hand all freaking day.) i actually didn't mind carrying orders up because the warm felt great on my hand.

i'm a fucking mess.

yeah.... still want my hair back!

=[

i want to watch the first spiderman movie. right now.
it was the best one, i think.

The story of a 13-year-old British girl who is refusing a heart transplant because she's already been through enough pain reminds me that when you're looking for the right answer, humility may be as essential as wisdom.

Hannah Jones' leukemia was diagnosed when she was 4; she later developed heart disease, and has endured chemotherapy and nearly a dozen operations. This past summer, when doctors told her that without a heart transplant she'd be dead in six months, she refused to go through with it. "I've been in hospital too much — I've had too much trauma," she told the Guardian. She was not asserting a right to die; she was suggesting that she had a right to live on her own terms, and to decide whether the benefit was worth the cost.

( more )

tomorrow, my dog, mctavish aka mac, will be going to the veterinarian's office at 9:10am.

& he won't be coming home.


after 14 years with this animal, i am absolutely heartbroken over this.

the past couple of years, he has REALLY aged. at 11 & even 12, he would run around, bark at the rocking chair, bark & run at the door whenever someone was leaving, chase squirrels.... now he has these awful nodes all over his body. one became infected in the last 2 weeks. he's going deaf. he doesn't see as well as he used to be able to. & he needs help to get up & down the stairs from the kitchen to the family room. (give him the big flights of stairs, either to upstairs, or down to the basement & my dads office, & he never had a huge issue.)

he went to the vets & had bloodwork down a couple weeks ago & it came back saying he had lymphoma, but they weren't sure what stage. this past weekend he took a very bad turn for the worse. it probably started more near thursday. but now his back legs barely work, he is always shaking & panting, & his poor tail is curled under inbetween his legs constantly.

sadly, i know this is what is best for him. he's hurting & its killing me to see him like this.

he has been my favorite boy in my life. since i was 11 years old. i still remember sitting in the backseat with him on the way home from when we first picked him up. he's listened to me cry & whine & listened to my ramblings when no one else would. or i felt i couldn't tell anyone else. he's slept with me & kept me warm. & he's just loved me. i'm going to miss him. sorely.

& allie. oh allie loves mac so much. in fact, any dog she sees is called mac. she is going to miss him & not understand where is went. my heart aches for this fact.

he has had a good, long life. i'm thankful that we had him for as long as we did. i couldn't have asked for a better dog.

tonight, i laid on the couch with him on my stomach, like we always used to whenever i would nap. & i said my goodbyes.

=[



circa july 2005

i totally want a blackberry. like, i'm really DYING for one. & i really like the Bold. too bad if i got it now, i'd be paying $299.99 after a rebate & an online discount. pfft. but dammit, it's really sexy! & i am totally convinced i need a smartphone so i can organize my life & always have my planner with me. i've tried countless times to carry a paper datebook with me. it never works out.

i could probably live with the samsung blackjack II. in red. & its only &79.99. i'd have to actually play with one to make a decision on it. but it looks pretty sweet from all i've seen. then again, i've never played with a blackberry either. but the idea of a blackberry is what totally gets me. yes, its pretty big for a phone... but i could get used to that i think.

although, i think that if i changed my phone now, i would be "breaking contract" so i would have to pay some ridiculous fee. =[ i want a new phone so badly!!!!

oh well, i couldn't afford one currently anyhow. ::sighs::
a girl can dream, right?

finge has been gone for what, two weeks? i do have to say that this weeks episode was much better than the last couple i had seen. especially the end of tonights episode! heh.

i have also started watching 90210. tonight was only my second episode however, i believe. someone want to clue me in on who that dude was showing up at annie's party at the end?

its always freezing down here cause my window constantly blows open since it has no latch. grrr.

im currently satisfying my harry potter craving by lurking imdb.com about half blood prince. =]

i didn't realize that it was helena bonham carter as bellatrix. how did i miss that detail?? i'm retarded.
i am still in love with ron weasley. forever.
i see the dude who plays peter pettigrew, EVERYWHERE. (sweeny tood, enchanted, lemony snickets, the last samuri) i never knew he was in so much!

i'm going to reread the last 2 i think once i am done with twilight series again. mind you, i left poor stephen king's "black house" unfinished, in the middle. i want to return to that as well.

two new of allie. my first ever, can you believe that?!
one, being my new default.
the other, the one below.

today, allie & i raked leaves.

it was a lot of fun. =]

so my mom has totally been reading my copy of twilight, & she said that she would have taken it to cape cod with her, if i hadn't been rereading it at the same time.

& i think that she got kind of excited when i mentioned it was 4 books total. she was reading when i came home from work the other day, because allie was still asleep!!! lol.

just a random, fun fact, for you all. ;]